Thursday, February 4, 2010
Explaination
I feel like maybe I need to explain more about my post today. I know that not calling your brother on his birthday isn't that big of a deal. And I realize that Andy riding the bus home instead of Zach picking him up isn't either. What worries me is that I don't do stuff like that. The old Crystal always knew when everyone's birthday was and called them. The old Crystal always made sure that plans were exaclty in order and carried out the way they were suppose to be. The old Crystal didn't decide that she wasn't going to answer the phone for an entire day. The old Crystal always made sure to do everything she was suppose to do. It is getting harder and harder to be who I was. I think the thing that hurts the most is to know that I won't ever be exactly the same as I was before. I know that losing a child changes you. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and at least recognize the person looking back at me.
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2 comments:
Once again, my heart aches for you Crystal. Once again Crystal, when you want to talk, I am here for you. I know you are afraid.... but I dont think you will ever become those things you are afraid of becoming but of course you are going to change some.... you lost your precious little baby girl.
I love you!
Kim
I have never lost a child but since I had Eva with special needs and many medical issues I have not been the same either. I forget a lot as well, its normal and as I said before give it time this is not something that can be fixed over night. I wish I was closer to you so I could help you in person.
Love and hugs,
Crystal
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