The Puzzle

I am trying to put my life back together.

Have you ever done a puzzle and there is that one piece that is missing? I call that my Jo Jo piece. No matter how hard I try to get things in order there will always be that one piece missing. I want so badly to get into a normal routine again. I know that Jolianne will always be on my mind in one way or another, but I yearn for that day when it doesn't completely consume me. One day when I will stop asking all of the "what if" questions. One day when I will accept what has happened and take steps forward with all of the sweet memories of my angel in my heart. I have bad dreams at night. I never feel rested, but I continue to trudge on through each day. I try to be so strong for my boys, all three of them. I have always considered myself to be a positive person. Someone who finds the good in any situation. That is just in my nature, it can't help it, this is who I was meant to be. Each day is a new chance for me to find my way, to have the courage that I need to make it through.

I find myself singing along to the radio with a smile on my face and I am immediately pull back into the sorrow that I feel. I know that Jo Jo would want me to be happy, that she would love to see me singing and smiling and enjoying myself. I can't help but feel guilty though. Those are things that I want to move past. When I can just be me again, bad singing and all. There are so many rolls that we play in life. Some are a little more difficult than others. I accept all rolls with an open mind. You never know what kind of a impact you can have on someone elses life.

I will continue with my puzzle. I know that it will never be quite the way I imagined it to be, but none the less, this is my puzzle. My puzzle that is still beautiful even with missing pieces.