When I was younger I used to watch a movie called Untamed Hearts. One of the scenes that sticks out in my mind today is when the boy says that he doesn't want a heart transplant because he thinks that he will not be able to love the girl anymore. She says to him, "You love with your mind and your soul, not your heart." Up until recently I believed that was true. You do love with your heart. Think of all the saying about your heart. My HEART skipped a beat when I say you. I love you with all my HEART. I cross my HEART. These things had to come from somewhere. When I think of Jolianne, really think about things, my heart feels heavy. That is a real thing that I am feeling. It's not imaginary or ficticious. My heart truly hurts sometimes. The heart is such a vital organ. We can't do anything without it. Life cannot sustain without your heart. It's not like a kidney or your tonsils. Something that can be discarded if things don't work out right. It is the center of everything. It is my heart that breaks when I miss my little angel. I know that someone who is super smart will say, "Actually Crystal, when you feel emotions in your brain it sends signals to your body and your body reacts, and blah, blah, blah. And that person would be absolutely correct. It just doesn't sound right to say, my brain is broken (which it probably is, but that is a whole other story).
My son Andy had a project this month for pre-AP Science. He was to do a model of the human heart. Thanks so my extensive research when Jolianne was in the hospital I was pretty much a pro at this project. One day when Andy and I were working together he said to me, "Mom this heart thing is all pretty complex." The heart is pretty complex. It baffles me how perfectly God can create a body to work just the way it is suppose to together. I know that in Jolianne's case her heart did amazing things to compensate for what did not form properly. God's hands were at work with her. When things got too hard for her heart he gave her relief and took her back to Heaven. God is in my heart. And for that reason I will say I do love with my heart. I love with my soul. Who knows maybe your soul is in your heart. Anyway it goes, I guess the thing I should be most happy about is that I do have the ability to Love. No matter what life brings, I will never stop loving and I will never stop being loved. (Cross My Heart)!!
3 comments:
Beautifully written :O)
I love to come to your blog to read your posts. My heart gets very heavy when I think of my sweet niece and my heart breaks for ya'll too. You are right too... your brain being broken is a whole other story... I cracked up when I read that since we always talk about how crazy you are! I love you with all my heart!
Love,
Kim
I agree Beautiful!! I also agree we love with our hearts, people who say things like that to us have never been through something so hard as to lose a loved one so close to you or have been through really hard times in their lives.
You are doing everything right and my heart breaks for you as well.
I think about you a lot,
Crystal and Eva
Crystal I also wanted to thank you for posting on my friend's blog she really needs someone who understands. She does reply to people under their comments on her blog and I wanted to make sure you saw it.....
Crystal,
Thank you for your words. I will be getting in touch with you shortly, Sorry it's taken me awhile, working fulltime to make up for my hubby being off.talk to you soon, take care. CarrieAnn
Thanks again for helping her and hopefully you can heal together. She really needs more people in her life who understands. She has family who just do not understand why she still needs to talk about it and why she is still upset about it all.
Hugs,
Crystal
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