The other day I read on another friend's blog something that I have asked myself a few times. She is another mother who lost her daughter recently and we have connected through our shared losses. She wrote that there is a name for you if you have lost your parents, an orphan. There is a name for you if you have lost a spouse, a widow or a widower. There is not a name for those who have lost a child. I too wondered why that was. Why is there not an acknowledgement for those of us who have lost children. I asked my husband and he told me that it is because it isn't natural to die before your child does. Although that is true. It doesn't take away from the fact that it does happen. There are times when a child passes before their parent does. I have been thinking about this for a few months now. This is what I have come up with. I am still Jolianne's mother. Even though there are people that may meet me that have no idea that my child ever existed, she did. Even though I won't have the tale, tale signs of spit up on my shirt or a car seat in my car, I still have a love that is so very deep for my child. My husband is still her father, my son's are still her brother. My family is still her family. There doesn't need to be an alternative name for what we are. We get the privilege of being the mothers and fathers to sweet angels in heaven. These children only know happiness. They are content and at peace. They are in the presence of God. Although while we are still here on Earth our hearts will ache for the experiences that we will never have, we can find peace in our hearts to know that they are not in pain, they will not experience discomfort or suffering. The bible says that what seems like years will just be a moment once we are reunited. There are days when I feel very strong and there are days when I feel very weak. There are nights when I cry myself to sleep and there are mornings when I feel refreshed and ready to face the day. Although my days may be up and down, there is one thing that I know for certain. I would not be able to do anything without God and my family to support me.

There are some books that I have been reading that have really made a difference in my life.

1. The Bible-I would recommend a study Bible if you are just getting started like I am. It makes things a lot easier to understand. I have a NIV (New International Version) Study Bible. It has been easier for me to read than the King James Version was. I would also recommend starting with the New Testament first, it may be easier to understand that way.

2. Safe in the Arms of God, John MacArther. This is a book that was given to me by my mother-in-law. I actually started reading this book before I started the Bible. It really helped me with questions that I had about Jolianne's death. There are stories from the bible and stories from other parents that have lost a child(ren). After reading this book I wanted to know more about God's Word so that lead to the Bible.

3. Get a good Devotional book. It really helps to start the day off hearing God's Word. There are several different kinds of devotionals, some for men, women, children, teachers, there are a bunch to choose from. The one I have is called Hearing from God each morning-Joyce Meyer.

4. The Confident Woman-Joyce Meyer. This is a book about finding confidence in God. It has been a very eye opening book for me. It has really changed my outlook on life and what God's Plan is for me.

I know that you may be thinking that that is a lot of reading, and it is. Just start out with a little at a time. I read one chapter of the bible to my son Ronnie every night. I set aside some extra time in the morning to read my devotional. These things take 10 to 20 minutes to do. You can read your bible on your lunch break or before you go to bed. My brother Zach told me that he would like to have a devotional to read each morning while he reads his bible. Just do what you can. I think that you will be very happy with the results. God is everywhere around us. Please make the time to put him in your life, you will be happy that you did.