Hard Week

Sorry I haven't written in a while. I have had a lot going on lately. I have had a pretty rough week in regards to Jolianne. I have had dreams about her at night and then during the day it makes me so sad that she is not here. For the most part I haven't had long periods of time where I feel so lonely. I am not sure what is going on, but the smallest little nothings seem to set the feelings in motion. I was at the store today and the woman in front of me had a daughter around the age of 3. The little girl had picked up some candy that she wanted and mom was telling her to put it up so that they could go. Of course the little girl wanted the candy so it dragged on for a little while. Then the cashier was talking to the mother saying that her daughter was the same way and aren't they so cute at that age. Once they moved on it was my turn in line. As I was placing my items on the counter the cashier right next door then started talking about her daughter. My daughter this, and my daughter that, and laughs and giggles. I continued getting my things out of the cart and I started to feel a heavy weight on my chest. I had nothing to add to the conversation. I never would. My daughter.....is gone. That's what went through my mind. I tried to hold the tears back. The cashier turned to me and asked how I was doing today. I put a smile on my face and answered, "I'm doing pretty good." I couldn't tell her the truth. The fact that I was feeling like my heart was breaking into a thousand little pieces. The fact that of all the lines I could have picked, I got into the one where everyone has a cute little girl who does the cutest little things. I managed to make it through my encounter and all the way to the car before the tears fell. That's pretty much what my whole week has been like. Things that wouldn't have gotten to me are stirring up all kinds of emotions. I am really not sure what has changed, maybe this is just a phase of grief that I am going through. I miss my little Jo Jo terribly. I have heard several times in the last few weeks that God only allows hardships to happen if we will be allowed to grow from the situation and help someone else. I believe that this is true. I believe that each one of us has a choice to make. Are you going to allow yourself to grow, the way God intended for you? Are you going to let the situation knock you down and keep you down while you struggle for answers? There is a song that says, "I'm not claiming to know all the answers, but I'm holding on to the One who does." God does have the answers. I know that He is helping me to grow stronger each day, even on the days when I feel so weak. I know that He carries me on those days. He carries you too.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. -Psalm 34:17-19