Choose Your Own Adventure

Did you ever read the Choose Your Own Adventure books as a child? You know, the ones where you are reading a story and then you have the option to pick which adventure your main character will go on. I have been thinking lately about how things might have been. I think, what if Jolianne had not had a heart problem. I imagine our family living in Heartland in the beautiful house we had built and I would still be working at Oldcastle. Jolianne would be 9 months old. Crawling all around on the floor. She probably would have figured out how to say "Dada" and "Mama" and "Bubba" by now. We would have our friends and family over to visit. Life is good and I couldn't be happier. Then there is adventure number 2. The adventure that started when I was placed in the hospital. We would still be living in Wills Point. I would have quit my job at Oldcastle to stay home with little Jo Jo because she needs special care. By now Jo Jo would have had her last heart procedure and would be doing great. Everyone all together enjoying life and realizing just how precious each of our lives are. I know that is one of the better imaginations of what our life would be like but hey, this is my adventure so I will just go with it. Then there is adventure number 3. The adventure that started the day my sweet Jo Jo flew to Heaven. THE REAL STORY. The story of a family struggling to piece their lives back together. We are living in Wills Point, I am a stay at home mom with intentions to start school in the Fall to pursue a degree in Nursing. I have joined the Praise Team at church and I teach a Sunday School class twice a month. In this adventure life seems to be more than I can bear at times. There is a lot of crying and a lot of pain. There are days where I am doing fine and days where I miss my daughter so much I can hardly breathe. But in all of this chaos the most important thing about this adventure is that it includes a very personal relationship with my Savior. I know that things are not the way I had pictured them to be at this point, but I also know that I am a stronger person in this version of the story. I know that with God at my side I can do absolutely anything. I am so very blessed for everything I do have. At times when I get down about life being unfair I simply have to remember that although I am the main character in my book, God is the one that chooses where I will go. He is wise beyond anything that I can even comprehend. It is my duty to make myself available to Him so that He can use me however He sees fit. He does know the end of my story, each day that I wake up is a new page. Each evening is a testamony of my faith that He will take me where I need to go.

I hope that anyone reading this today that is struggling with "their story" will find comfort that your life is in God's very capable hands. He will never leave you, He will never forsake you. Make youself available to hear from Him. He speaks to us everyday. Are you listening??

Summer Begins

Ronnie and Ms. Clark

I am so proud to say that both of my boys passed for the year and will be advancing to the next grade. Andy with be in 8th grade and Ronnie will be in First. Summer officially starts tomorrow, June 7th. The kids are out of school and we are ready to get our Summer On!!!! Vacation Bible School starts tonight at 6:45. Jeremy and I are both participating in VBS this year. We are very excited. Jeremy is acting in the play they do at the beginning of VBS and I am a team leader. I take the kids to each activity. They did such an awesome job decorating our church as a Rain forest. Andy goes to Church camp tomorrow. He will be in Arkansas until Friday. This is the first time that he has ever gone to a spend the night camp. I am very excited for him. I hope that he has an amazing time and makes a lot of new friends. Andy is a part of such an amazing youth group. I am so glad that he enjoys going to church. I hope that Andy takes some good pictures while he is away. I am going to get him a disposable camera so that he can take lots of good pictures. Well I better get going, we have to leave in a few minutes to get to the church on time. I hope that everyone is doing well.

Show Cancelled

Well I just found out today that our Fifth Sunday Showcase has been cancelled due to lack of participation. A lot of people are going to be out of town for the Memorial Day Holiday so we are going to try to do it again on another night. I am still glad that I was able to overcome my stage fright and commit to singing a song. For those of you who don't know me, that is so out of the box for me!!!! Not the committing to something part, but the singing a song in front of the whole church part. =) I got some of the books in that I ordered for Nursing School. I actually ordered Cliffs notes for Anatomy and Physiology. I hope that it does me some good for the class that I need to take this fall. I also ordered some practice tests so that I can see what kind of questions will be on the entrance exam. I am very excited about the future. I can't wait to get started. In a few months, once school starts, I will probably be writing about how sick I am of school. Oh well, until then I will keep an open mind. I hope that since I have chosen something that is close to my heart I will feel differently about classes and studying. We will just have to wait and see.

Until next time.
Blessings and Peace to you all.

Life (A Second Chance To Give Him Praise)

Life is such a funny thing. You never really know where it will lead you. I have signed up to sing a song at our Church's 5th Sunday Showcase next weekend. I never would have imagined that I would be brave enough to stand on a stage in front of a group of people and sing a song. A fellow Praise Team member, Bud has agreed to learn the guitar part of the song so that we can sing on stage together while he plays the song for us. I was talking with Bud this afternoon at Church and he said to me, "You always have to be on your toes with God, you never know what He will ask you to do." That is so true. Sometimes he calls you to do things that scare you to death. The best thing of all is that when you know that he is with you, the fear goes away. I am very excited that he has called me to share a song with everyone. The song that I chose is called, "I'm Still Yours". This song really means a lot to me because it talks about still giving praise to God even when things aren't going your way. Even when your world is falling down around you, He deserves your appreciation for the life that he has given you. My prayer is that it touches someone else's heart the way it touched mine.



As the school year drawls to an end my boys seem to be struggling more than ever. Andy and Ronnie are getting very restless and are ready for the year to be over. They have gotten in trouble on the bus, at school and at home quite a bit. I am praying that they will make it for the next two weeks with no more trouble. I have a lot planned for us this summer together. I have not been off work during the summer sine Ronnie was 6 months old. I hope that we can reconnect and have a great time. We have all had such a difficult year we really need some together time.



I have decided to go back to school this fall. I am going to study Nursing. I ordered a study guide this past week so that I can get started studying for the entrance exam. I hope that I get picked for the program that starts next January. I will have to take Human Growth and Development, A&P and Medical Terminology this fall in order to qualify for my application. I am very excited about this turn around in my life. I have been praying that God would lead me to a job that I really enjoy. One that I will be proud of and that I have a passion for. I am so grateful that He has sent me this opportunity to pursue my dreams.

Amazing Weekend

Hello Everyone,
I had such an amazing weekend. On Saturday I went to see The Gaither Homecoming concert in Fort Worth with all of my family. It was Myself, Kim, Kim's mom Barb, my mom Debbie, my mother-in-law Sylvia and my niece Emma. We had a girls day to celebrate Mother's Day. I was so excited when I got to meet The Martins. A little while after Jolianne had passed away I was watching the Gaither music show and The Martins came on and sang a song called The Promise. I cried through the entire song. It touched my heart soooo much. It was so awesome to get to meet them and take a picture with them!!! We had an all day venture. We met for Lunch at T.G.I.Fridays, then we went to the concert from 3:00 until 7:30. I didn't get home until almost 10:00. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family to spend time with. On Saturday Jeremy took the boys on a Father/Son day out. They went to Tyler and watched How to Train Your Dragon. Ronnie had been wanting to see that movie for a while now. I am glad that the guys also got to have some fun. On Sunday we went to church and then to my Mom's house for lunch with my brother Zach and sister-in-law Stacy. My dad made some really good steaks!!! We exchanged gifts and then spend some time talking together. My boys picked out a beautiful bed set for me. It is my favorite color, green. Now let me tell you a little story about green blankets. My husband hates green. HATES IT. Since we have been married I have not been allowed to get any sheets or bedding that is green. But this year he was OK with me having my favorite color of bed sheets. That was so sweet. It is actually a cream color with green palm leaves on it, it is very comfy also.

Ronnie has started playing baseball. He is on the Red Sox this year, number 10. He has been playing outfield so far. I hope that the coach will let him play a little infield. He is a lot more focused this year than last year. He pays attention and does not play in the dirt or pick flowers like he did last year. I hope that he has a good season. He really loves playing baseball.

I am having a pretty good week. I am learning to take my time in life and enjoy the little things. I have to keep in mind that the details are in the little things. The way a simple smile can bring such joy to my life. I way I feel so warm and cozy in those 10 minutes that I get to snuggle with Jeremy between the time when the alarm goes off, I press snooze, and then he really does need to get up to start getting ready for work. We are trying to decide if we can move to town or maybe get a new house here on our property. We have both been doing a lot of research so that we can make an informed decision. We have decided that we need to move from a four bedroom to a three bedroom. I still haven't been able to take Jo Jo's room down. I think that the only way it will feel right is if we just move. I have a hutch that has all of her stuff in it that we will keep in our bedroom. But I just can't bear walking by her room and it being empty. We have been wanting to get a new house for about a year now, but before it just wasn't God's time for us. I have been praying about the move so I know that He will lead us in the right direction. If it still isn't time then we will wait some more. I am looking forward to this weekend. We are going to Arlington to spend some time with Jeremy's family. We are going to be celebrating a bunch of birthdays, Me, Kim, Christopher, and Mom. I am so excited to spend time with everyone. I hope that everyone is having a good day. It is almost the weekend!!!!

The Other Side of the Story

I have had so many thoughts lately about what I would write about. God has given me the wisdom of being able to see both sides of the story. I want to share a story with with that involves two of my children. Andy and Jolianne.

When my daughter passed away earlier this year the thought would often flash through my mind, "Why did He have to take her?". Why is it that there are so many unfit parents out there that get to experience their children's lives, but I can't. God has given me the answer. The sad thing is that I have had the answer the whole time, I just never acknowledged it.

Andy 1995
I became pregnant with my son Andy 2 months after my 16th birthday. At the time I was living with my father in Arlington. I had moved away from my parents home in March because there were too many rules and regulations that I had to follow. I have shared with you in previous blogs that I was very stubborn and did not like having rules. My father had NO rules. Often times he would provide drugs, alcohol, and freedom that I had not known with my parents in Wills Point. It is really no surprise that I became pregnant. I lived with my dad from March until the first of June. I realized that I was in an environment that was very unhealthy for me and wanted to be with my mom and step dad in Wills Point again. In July I found out that I was pregnant. I was so scared. I sat in the bathroom and cried and cried. I was so afraid of what my parents would say or do. They were both very kind and understanding. They told me that they would take care of me and the baby and make sure that we were OK. I am sure that during my pregnancy when I was in public there were women that passed me that thought to themselves, "Why does she get to have a baby, but I can't." They may have said how unfair it was that I was pregnant, but that they had just lost a child. I was never aware of any of this, but I am familiar with the stares and the whispers and the general disappointment of another "reckless youth". Another teenager that has thrown her life away.
Andy 2009 and 2010
Last year I when I was in the hospital on bedrest there were a lot of responsibilities that were placed on my son Andy. Some of them he took on by himself. The entire time I was in the hospital Andy slept in his brother's room, on the floor, because Ronnie was scared. He would read him stories at night, he would comfort him when he missed me so much. Even after I came home he continued to sleep in Ronnie's room until Ronnie got adjusted to me being back home. While his sister Jolianne was in the hospital he would continue to reach out to his brother. He was always very understanding of the hectic schedule that we had to maintain in order to spend time with Jo Jo and spend time with the boys at home. On of the most amazing things that has touched my heart lately is when Andy came home from school one day and shared with me that he had brought someone to Christ. This person is growing up in a home where they do not believe in God. They had no idea of God's love and compassion for us. I was so proud of him when I heard this. I thought to myself, "Andy has just saved some one's life." Maybe not in the heroic way that we usually say saving a life, but a very important save just the same. God has a purpose for Andy. He always has, from the moment He gave him life when he was inside me.

Jolianne 2009 and 2010
The life of my daughter was very short, but very purposeful. She is the strongest most courageous person I have ever known. I saw her go through so many procedures, so many needle sticks, so many IVs, so much pain and agony. She rarely cried. She faced each thing in her life with no fear. The doctors and nurses used to tell me that she was such a strong baby. They said that most of the babies would cry and protest to many of the things that Jolianne took in stride. I heard the other day that each person has a job to do on Earth. When you have accomplished your purpose, you get to go to Heaven and be with your loving Father. Jolianne had a purpose, she was placed here to accomplish a goal. She was able to achieve her goal in 3 short months. There are many of us who don't even know what our purpose is yet. We are still searching for what it is that God has planned for us. Jo Jo brought our family closer to God in a way that we never knew before. She showed us that God does have a plan and he does love us beyond measure.

I can't ask why does He take some children and let others live. It is quite clear. In my own life I have been the mother that "didn't deserve to have a baby" and the mother that "lost a baby too soon." I have been looked at with disgust and I have been looked at with sympathy. This is what I know for sure. God does everything with purpose. Even when we can't see the entire situation for what it is, He is working in each of us. Each of my children have changed my life, each in very different ways. I am a better person because of them. This is my testimony of God's will. My testimony of God's plan. My testimony of God's love.